


Drifting.

by wanderryn



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks, Healing, Memory Loss, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 05:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3476669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderryn/pseuds/wanderryn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a mission went terribly awry Commander Shepard wakes up aboard a ship that she doesn't remember, with a crew that doesn't feel like her own. She must find a way to either accept this oddly dream like life, or find a way to return the one she knew before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Awakening.

**Author's Note:**

> This does not fully follow the timeline of the games, as it is intended to be a separate dimension entirely. The rating may change in regards to the contents of each chapter.

Cold hands touch my skin, rocketing through my body to my core, a fire blooming deep inside and dancing through my veins to the tips of my fingers. A haze wrapped around me like a blanket, blinding me, pulling me deeper. Those hands, so cold it hurt, wrapped tighter, gripping and tugging at it trying to pull me from the haze.

A soft voice reached my ear, cooing and purring my name, it was like music. I wanted to hear more, and it happily obliged, growing louder though, the soft dulcet tones turning to angered growls as it gained in volume. The cool hands suddenly turned to fire, my throat constricted as the smoke of the haze filled my lungs. My vision went white as the fire turned to lava inside me, my body screaming with pain.

With a jolt I was pulled out of the heat and dropped in a soothing caress of cool velvet, rocking and licking at my skin, bringing me down and into peace again. The soft coo continued to murmur my name into my ear, a soft sigh passing my lips. The breath made my lips crack, my throat rasp, it was so dry...something cool washed down it suddenly, filling my mouth before I swallowed to breath again.

Slowly my eyes opened, pushing past the blinding bright light that filled them, searching for something, but all I saw was shapes, blurred and distorted jumbles of colors.

"There you are." That voice from before sounded...relieved. My eyes fell on the face of the one speaking, leaning over me, cool hands dancing down the side of my face and leaving a stream of cool water in their wake. I could barely make out that it was a person, blurred lips moved as they spoke, but the words didn't reach my mind, they passed over me unheard.

In an attempt to sit up the caress of the velvet...water pulled away from my skin, sending a shiver down my spine. "Now now, you need to relax, take it slow." I looked to the one who spoke again as my gaze slowly narrowed and the shapes became clearer. It was a woman, older with silvery white hair cut short to rest at her chin, curling in under the strong line of it. She was beautiful.

"Where am I?" Not knowing who spoke then, that hoarse and ragged sound shocking me as I turned to find who else was there. There was no one though. Just me and the woman who was helping to sit me up. Was that my voice then? I reached up to touch my lip, it was chapped, worn dry. Looking down at my hands I saw they were just as worn, scarred even. For some reason it seemed...wrong, that my hands should look the way they do.

"You are in the Med Bay, aboard the SSV Normandy." the woman said to answer my question, lifting me up from the water and standing me on shaky unbalanced legs which threatened to give beneath me. "Lets dry you off and get you into a bed, honestly it's a miracle you're alive at all Commander."

Commander? Was that who I was? But still...it felt wrong, sounded wrong. I did not argue though, I allowed her to help me out of what I now knew had been a tub. A soft towel was brought up to caress my bare skin, wiping the droplets that ran down my body. Fascinated I watched as one raced down the length of my arm, along the shadows of lined muscles, over slightly freckled and tanned skin. I hadn't even realized she was still speaking till I heard her say "I swear you're going to be the death of me, if not everyone else aboard this ship. You pull another stunt like that and I may not be able to save you."

What was she talking about? What had I done? And if it would effect the others then...where were they? Why was I the one receiving such attention when surely the rest of the crew must need it as well? The crew...an odd thought. I knew there were others, I could feel the pull of our connections. Friends, families, something...more? But I saw no faces, heard no voices, their memories were unobtainable in my mind. My head felt so empty, like there should be so much there but it was all missing.

The woman who had so carefully dried me off draped a hospital dress around me and tied it behind my neck before guiding me out into a room lined with empty cots. Laying me down she pulled a blanket over me and carefully inserted an IV into my arm before connecting a few monitors to me as well. "There...comfortable?" she asked.

"Water...please." My ragged voice, that I still didn't feel was mine, replied. I watched as the woman nodded and quickly walked away to fetch it for me. Suddenly so many questions filled my mind, questions that I desperately needed the answers to. Who was she? What was the SSV Normandy? Was I truly the Commander? Where was my crew? Were they alright? The questions must have been evident in my face as when she returned she shook her head and handed me the water, telling me to rest.

I downed the cup, grateful for the soothing chill of it as it filled my throat and down into my stomach. With surprising ease I relaxed into the bed and closed my eyes, drifting again and allowing the haze to return and wrap around my body.


	2. Restless.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard awakes to a familiar and yet unfamiliar face at her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if the chapters will continue to stay short like this, we shall see, I tend to be very long winded actually and I'm trying to avoid over doing it.

It was the soft rhythmic click of something on the metal of my cot that awoke me, lids fluttering open only to quickly close again from the blinding glare of the lights overhead. I heard something shift, a small chattering noise and clothes, before I felt a warm but...soft leathery hand on my wrist, three long fingers slowly wrapping around it in what felt like a comforting hold. Attempting again to see who it was that was beside me, I turned my head and chanced opening my eyes once more. My gaze narrowed, and the blur of dark colors focused, and I found myself looking upon the face of a Turian.

My Turian.

A wave of relief, joy, and even love coursed through me as I gazed on the hard plates of his face that somehow seemed to soften under my gaze. Small narrow blue eyes gazed back, and his thumb rubbed circles along the pulse of my wrist as what I thought to be a smile graced his face. "Commander Shepard." He spoke softly, his voice a comforting rumble that made my heart swell.

My Turian.

But the name he spoke, it felt...wrong, like it wasn't mine though I knew for a fact that it was. Or perhaps it was the way his spoke it, the way his voice caressed it with reverence and respect, things that I felt I did not deserve. I did not get a chance to voice these thoughts though as he was speaking again, glancing down at where his hand rested on me. "I'll have to inform the others that you're awake again, some of them were beginning to doubt...but I knew there was no way you'd die so easily."

So much faith, it felt misplaced. Still it made me feel warm, closing my eyes again I smiled back at him, slipping my hand from his grasp so that I could hold his, locking my fingers with his as I was careful of his talons. "....What happened?" I asked, knowing that what I truly wanted to ask him may hurt. I did not know who he was, no name came to my mind, yet at the same time I felt I did. His face, his voice, his touch, it all felt so familiar, so right. It was safe, like home.

"Dr. Chakwas has said there was a chance you wouldn't remember anything, she said you seemed...lost when you first awoke. Shepard, you almost died. We were in the midst of leaving Omega when our shuttle was attacked by that of some thugs that we believe were sent by the Shadow Broker. During the attack you managed to get us back onto the Normandy, but when you tried to get on as well, you were shot. It pierced through your armor, and with you being in Space...well...there was no way you should have survived." I watched as his sharp blue eyes hazed, like he was watching the moment play in front of him again. A sadness filled me at the look on his face and I reached up to cup his cheek, my fingers splaying across the hard plates of his face.

Turning his gaze back to mine that relief returned and his blue eyes lit up again. "I grabbed you and pulled you in, the break in your armor caused your skin to immediately start freezing, and some of your organs had begun to shut down. We rushed you down to the Med Bay though and I don't know what the doctor did, but it saved you." he smiled again, moving his hand up over mine to grasp it gently. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, Shepard..."

His words were...heart breaking at best, shattering at worst. My fingers gripped his in an attempt to show him that I was here and had no intention of going anywhere else. I brought his hands down to my lips and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of his hand. Yet his story did not bring me peace, it was so...little, so vague. But I couldn't bring myself to ask for more details, it was obvious the memory was still like a fresh wound for him, digging would only make it hurt worse. Besides we were soon interrupted by the whoosh of the door sliding open, and the woman from before stepping in. I assumed she was the doctor the Turian had mentioned.

"Garrus, I thought I told you she needed to rest." the woman chided, walking over to touch my other wrist, feeling my pulse before looking at the monitors to check my vitals and such. "The experience took quite the toll on her body, she won't be leaving my care for a few weeks at the very least."

Garrus, that was his name. I should have known that, I know him, I know I do. Then why don't I remember him? Why don't I remember the doctor standing to my other side continuing to scold the Turian for being here while I should be resting. Why don't I recognize this room? The Med Bay is what Dr. Chakwas had called it, the term sounded familiar, as did her voice and the comforting feeling I had when she was around. Yet somehow it all still seemed so...wrong. "...I want to be alone." I finally piped up after a moment. It shut them both up, they weren't arguing no, Garrus didn't seem the arguing type, especially when my safety was the issue. But their constant prattling in the back of my mind wasn't helping me to think any.

Dr. Chakwas had seemed...surprise by my littler outburst, but she was quick to listen, nodding and giving Garrus a look before turning to go back into the other room connected to the Med Bay. Perhaps it was her office, I don't know. Garrus on the other hand seemed more hesitant to leave my side, but he too knew better than to argue. He gave my hand another small squeeze before leaning in to kiss my forehead, his mandibles tickling against my skin. "I'll come check on you later." he murmured before standing to leave. Once I heard the doors close with another small whoosh I closed my eyes. I didn't want to sleep, I felt like I'd slept enough for a life time, but I needed to think. I needed to block out the beeping of the machine beside me and the drip of the IV in my arm. Taking slow long deep steadying breaths, I drifted.

~~

Flashes, bright and blinding and burning on my flesh and my eyes, searing me to the bone. The pain was excruciating, like nothing I'd ever felt before, I only wanted it to end, but I would have no peace. I thought perhaps I cried out, my throat suddenly ached and my lungs heaved as if I was, but no sound came, only the ringing. A constant high shrill tone sung through my ears. I clenched my eyes shut tight against the light, but I still saw it in my mind with each jolt of pain.

"Siha!" The sound was so...distant, but clear through the ringing. The voice was low, but distorted, containing this odd reverberation within it that didn't fit. Yet somehow it sounded familiar. The word, though I didn't know what it meant, I'd heard it before. I knew it well. It was a nickname given to me by...by...I couldn't remember. "SIHA!"

The pain suddenly got worse and I cried again, my whole body tensing and straining as if to push the pain back out. I felt dizzy for the force of it, and slowly the pain, the light, even the ringing...it all faded out.

~~

Opening my eyes once more I frowned, that memory or...perhaps a dream? It felt more real than now, my skin tingled from the thought of the pain I was in, and I could still hear that voice calling out "Siha." What did that word mean? Who was calling out? They sounded so desperate, terrified even. What had happened? Closing my eyes had only brought on more unanswered questions, bringing back the pounding of a headache. With a heavy sigh I tried to relax and look up at the ceiling once more, hoping to find peace in the flat blank surface.

"Siha..." I murmured, rubbing my fingers together before slowly lifting my hands to run then down my face. "Dr. Chakwas?" I called, receiving no answer I waited for a moment before slowly pushing up on to my elbows. "Dr. Chakwas!" I called a bit louder, my voice still hoarse, but it was better than it had been. Almost immediately the door she'd stepped through earlier opened up and she stepped out, a worried look on her face as he quickly came to my side.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" she asked, hands hovering over me as she quickly checked the monitor and the IV to make sure everything was alright before turning her gaze on to me again. A mother hen, that's what she made me think of. I smiled slightly, even if I didn't remember her, I still enjoyed the safety she seemed to bring me. I laid back down and shook my head, closing my eyes for a moment before opening them again to look up at her now expectant face.

"...What does Siha mean?" I asked, I wasn't even certain she'd know, or if it even really were a word. Perhaps it was just a dream I'd had, and I'd made it up in my mind. But then I saw recognition in her eyes, her brows raising slightly before furrowing as she grabbed a stool and pulled it over to sit by me.

"Well...I can not tell you for certain what it means, but I know that Thane has taken upon calling you that for some time now. It may be a term of endearment or respect for his people. The Drell are very deeply religious." Her explanation was meant to help me, but it only raised more questions. Who was Thane and why would he call me something like that if I was with Garrus? I closed my eyes again and sighed but nodded my thanks, which she seemed to take as a cue to continue talking. "You don't really remember much do you?" she asked, pulling me out of my line of thought again.

"...I don't remember anything." I admitted, turning to look at her again. "I...remember you trying to help me, but I also remember pain...so much pain and someone calling out 'Siha' to me. I also remember hands, such cold hands and a voice whispering into my ear." The more I thought about it the more my head ached, pressing my fingers to my temple I winced slightly and heard her stand up again.

I watched as she moved over to a cabinet on the far wall, taking something out of it and getting me another cup of water before returning to my side. "I'm going to give you something to help with the pain, but then I need you to try and get some more sleep. When you wake again, I promise I will answer any questions you have." That seemed fair enough to me so I nodded and swallowed down the medicine she brought me before settling down to sleep again. It wasn't hard to do, the haze wrapping around me and pulling me down into the dark depths again as I closed my eyes.


End file.
